a fresh coat...

I realized that I haven't put anything on here in quite some time so I thought I would jazz things up a bit with a new look... a kinda vintage mocha if I may... I'm sure this won't make anyone want to read it any more than usual but hey, I was bored. More to come...

what stirs the soul...

Why do I feel so restless? Not just restless physically, but emotionally, psychologically and any other "ly" you can think of. What is it that makes the soul stir, that makes my heart beat with this kind of off-beat anticipation. Its like my whole being is gearing up for something new and exciting but nobody has bothered to inform my brain... for once I think I have some ideas about why...

The Bible promises us God's great and perfect rest. Matthew 11:28 says: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." It is obvious that it is not Gods will that we live our entire lives without rest. He wants us to come to Him to find a rest like no other. This leads me to thinking, however that sometimes, perhaps, our restlessness is from God. I believe that God can use our restlessness to open our eyes to His will for our lives. If I am unsettled about the direction my life is headed then perhaps I need to stop and seek God's will. Lately my wife and I have both been feeling this sense of restlessness. Neither of us are entirely certain that we can be happy doing what we are doing (at least in regards to our jobs) for any substantial length of time. I can't help but feel that God is tugging me in some direction other than the one I am heading in. I am really struggling to find God's peace about where I am going.

As I mentioned before, it seems like the only part of me that doesn't know whats coming is my brain.... I was beginning to get frustrated by this whole thing when something struck me: maybe my brain becomes too much of a hindrance to my decision making process. I tend to over-analyze things to the point where I can find more reasons not to do something then you can shake a stick at. I think that our rational nature often stands in the way of big plans God puts in our path. Gods ways don't always make the most sense so I think that we have to remain open to the idea of following God with our hearts. Our heads make terrible navigators sometimes...

no, I'm not dead...

Sleep....(sometimes).....wake up, work, eat, maybe some more sleep....I wonder if Picasso ever stayed up late just to write some random babblings in his blog....come to think of it, I wonder if Picasso ever had a blog...he seems more like the "bottle it up and let it out in painting form" kinda guy. At any rate, life is tiring. What does it all mean? Well, I'll leave that up to you....until then, I've got a bottle of stupid to uncap. I just hope it doesn't stain the carpet...

an unlikely lesson in reality...

Well, its been a while...probably because life has been ridiculously busy. I have been working TONS and it seems there is always something on the go. I thought since this is my first post in a while I would do something a little different.

The things that I am about to write are not my own, strange, I know, for a guy who complains about not wanting to speak other peoples' words. But I feel compelled to write about something profound I heard today. For those of you who know where this came from I apologize for sounding like a rip off artist... In a sermon preached at church this morning I was reminded of a story, the memory of which seems to have been lost, stashed away somewhere between my first steps and a thousand grass stains. It is the story of The Velveteen Rabbit. I can remember hearing this story when I was young, never realizing of course the impact this story would have on my thinking some twenty years later. It is a story about a stuffed toy rabbit and his journey to find meaning and purpose in life, to discover reality for himself. It may sound silly to find any great depth in a story such as this, but if you allow yourself to open up just a little bit to catch a glimpse of what I mean you may just gain a new appreciation for so-called "children's stories."
I won't put the whole story here, just a small passage. If you want to read the whole thing, click here.

"The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it."

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Im sure at this point some of you are thinking that I am completely nuts, for which I really can't blame you. But allow yourself to think for a moment here about the implications of this passage as they relate to your life. Im sure that at some point we all find ourselves asking "What is real?". I think this passage wraps it all up quite nicely. Im not talking about mere existence, it is easy to understand the fact that you exist. We are wonderfully designed to be able to interact with our world in a way that leaves little doubt about the way things are (at least in the physical realm). The reality that I am talking about here goes much deeper than simple understanding of your being in the universe. I am talking about the reality you achieve when you strip away all of the things we build up, our polished outer coating, and allow yourself to expose the inside. I am talking about moving past the understanding of your being in the universe towards an understanding of your place in the universe.

I can recall camping trips with my brother, Brad, and our good friend Tyson. We would go to our usual camping spot, set up camp and build the usual fire. As the night would go on we would sit around the fire talking, taking the opportunity to explore the questions of life, love and faith. Through these many late night fireside talks we developed a rule: whenever we all sat around the fire we all had to be completely real with on another. What did that mean? It meant that none of us had walls, none of us were wearing masks. We could be totally open and honest about every facet of life. It became a very special and amazingly powerful tradition. What we discovered was much the same as the lesson learned in The Velveteen Rabbit... being real with one another took time and patience. It wasn't always easy, sometimes it was painful. We had struggles with one another as we allowed our true, tattered and shabby selves to show. The result was well worth the journey. We developed an incredible friendship based on the real us, unlike so many of the shallow friendships built on facades that I had experienced before...

I hope that I can continue to learn these lessons throughout my life, and to constantly strive for more than outer beauty. I want to continue to be a real individual, to live my life as an open and honest friend and someone who understands the value in being tattered and torn. I wish the same for anyone who reads this...

back to basics

I realize I haven't posted anything on here in quite some time so I thought I would resort to a classic blogging technique passed on from generations of bloggers before: the list..... I fear that I may not be able to do justice to this ancient and decidedly sacred form, but I know that I must try as a tribute to the great pioneers of blogging. So without further ado, here is my list of things that really bug me as observed throughout the past 2 weeks.....

1. Car horns
2. Jackets with too many zippers
3. Songs that begin with the word "and"
4. Mispronounced names
5. Late nights
6. Early mornings
7. Joe Pesci
8. Flip charts
9. MacLeans magazine
10. Polo shirts

So there it is. Now you know what to do; copy this list into your email and replace all of my items with things that bug you. Then sent it to 20 of your friends. If they send it back it means that you are truly a good friend and you will surely be showered with the richest of blessings. If you do not sent it to at least 20 people within 3 days you will be cursed with a lifetime of bad luck and sent to hell where you will be forced to watch Joe Pesci movies for days on end and all there will be to eat is hot dogs and bran muffins. Its your choice really...

*Disclaimer: the owner of this blog wishes no ill will to any fellow man. There is no such thing as curses that arise from not forwarding emails. You are strongly encouraged to NOT, under any circumstances forward this or any similar text to ANYONE! That is all.....

Gimli Manitoba vs. Me

Today I had to drive to Gimli by myself to drop off some gear for a trade show....I had an hour drive each way by myself to just ponder. All I can say is that I had a hugely awesome day. There was something in the fall air that just lit me up with excitement to write. I spent my whole trip home (about an hour and a half, I drove slow) with my pen to the paper. I am excited that I found something to release....stay tuned for more...

another day, another blog?

I am finding myself at a loss for things to write about. So, in the spirit of boredom, desperation, and a general need to spill the overflow in my head I will begin this blog in the dark, with no mind towards an eventual destination. Nuff said?

I spent my day sitting in a hotel ballroom listening to scientists present their research in the areas of animal nutrition, grain production, feed processing and biofuels. It was a science-palooza. No, Im not even remotely interested in science or agriculture, nor am I a sucker for punishment. I am an audiovisual technichian. Not exactly a glamour life, but its a good job and I am darn glad to have it. The silver lining to my day was that amidst all of those numbers and figures I had a lot of time to simply sit and ponder. Interestingly enough, I started thinging about this very blog. I have thoroughly enjoyed writing here. I don't care if anybody ever reads it, I just love having a place to explore the annals of my mind.

All of this pondering led me to a realization: I have been working tirelessly to unlock my mind hoping that I can somehow therein find a key to unlock the things that are built up inside my heart and finally let them out, while all the while failing to realize that the key to open the heart most likely lies within that same heart i have been trying to unlock. If this is confusing you as much as it is confusing me, feel free to close this window and never come back here again. If, however, you find yourself in some sick way relating to anything at all that I say, keep reading, if not for me at least out of respect for the self-exploratory process. Introspection is sometimes the strangest trip.

I guess what I am trying to say is that my inside wants out and I feel like I lack the capacity to open that door. So here I sit, a guitar in the corner and a blank page in fromt of me. I only hope that you can allow yourself to move past the probable initial reaction of thinking that I am completely crazy and begin to realize that there is something inside all of us screaming to be let free, whether or not you have heard it yet. So find your muse, find your passion, break your heart open and allow yourself to drown in it. Vive la inspiration.

first listens and new loves

There is nothing like the first listen to the album you have waited your whole life for... I picked up my fresh copy of John Mayer's new CD, Continuum... I am blown away. Don't just take my word for it, check it out for yourself and you will see an artist whose desire to push himself into new sonic experiences has led to an unbelievably simple yet infinitely deep work of beauty. In every piece of music I hear I find myself listening for something real that I can relate to, both artistically and otherwise. I have always found that with Mayer's songs, but this album has taken my appreciation for his work to soaring new heights... Check it out, you won't regret it.



In other goings on, my brother and I headed out a few days ago to the monastery ruins in St. Norbert, just south of Winnipeg. We took nothing but a camera and our excitement for the opportunity to get some great shots, and it paid off. We had some of the most beautiful light I have ever seen. It was about an hour before sunset and the soft light coming through the leaves was incredible. We took turns shooting for about an hour and a half until the card in the camera was pretty much full. I am really developing a love for the photographic form, although I must humbly admit that I am a complete amateur. It reminds me of being in elementary school and hanging my latest work of art on the refridgerator... Fast forward 10 years, I am sitting on the floor digging through an old box of school work, laughing at my shaky lines and sub-par coloring skills. Nevertheless, I am on a learning curve, and this is my refridgerator...